good writing day. 29840

 

I winced, I must really look upset. I didn’t think they had gotten to me that bad, but I guess it was just too much after talking about it. “I didn’t think I was that bad. It was just the normal nonsense. It shouldn’t get me. However I didn’t dare let on I heard and I had been talking about that day so it is close now.” It was foolish, but to think that they might believe him, that they might think I had killed to get something I didn’t even want was upsetting. Thighs were hard enough without that.

Rick gently put his hand on mine. “Anna it fine to be upset. There is no reason to try and hide it. Anyone would be upset at hints they had killed someone. There is no reason that you shouldn’t be. You are not over reacting. I don’t know how you mange to keep from yelling at him. I wasn’t bonded to Quin and am ready to call a duel of the fool if I spend ten minutes with him. If it wasn’t for the promise you had us make we would have. I don’t know how you do it, or why. You  know that more than half the council would back you if called him on it.”

I said. “And they know it as well. Therefore it has to be what they want to happen. Until I know why they want it or they do something so blatant that everyone can pick up on it I can’t risk falling for it. There is too much a risk right now. I will be fine I just need to get some space. Daren if you need to stand a bit go ahead, just not right behind me and I will be fine. You look ready to jump and that is not going to help Rick relax.”

Daren said. “I will be alright, sorry. The stool is fine. It is just that I am upset as I forgot and so.” Rick smiled and kissed him again.

I shook my head. “You did nothing wrong. You had your guards there and that was all I said. You are not to fight the bond, just remember that here you have a target on you. You know full well that I nor your father ever want you to pretend to be something you are not. It was clear to me that he accepts the fact that you are in an unranked bonded position and he knows fully what that means.” Good he was relaxing that will help. Now then I need to get us off this.

Dev shook his head. “You have changed a good deal, but then I bet I am just as strange to you. I can’t believe that you who got so upset over a kiss is now wanting to be dragged off by a guy. I am going to have to watch my hands tomorrow, we don’t need them figuring out why you are not sitting as easily. I never would have thought you to be one that needs it, though I was hoping you would get over your fear enough to admit to some guy you were interested.” Daren looked at him startled. “Why do you think I kissed you and not John? John would have hit me, you, however, wanted it. Not that you would ever say so. I do wish you could have. It would have been fun.” That worked to get Rick to relax as none looked shocked at his teasing. Now then you were going to tell me how you met Issy.” I looked at him. “Fine Anna then, through I do not see why. You are being silly.”

I did my best not to flinch as Oliver sat the food down, but he noticed and lightly touched my arm, then moved the knife closer. So much for making him think I was fine. “I need them to see Glacier when they look at me. That won’t work if they see pigtails and ink stained fingers, which you know full well is all most of them ever saw if they saw me at all. No I never met Daven, in fact he had no idea who I was for three months after Rick introduced us. Of course Rick just said that I was Issy and was from Calvarda as well, then left us, so it wasn’t much of an introduction really. Didn’t even tell me Daren’s name.” I took a sip of the wine and shook my head, for it was spiced and meant to help me sleep. So he had told Rick I was stressed. Not that I was surprised.

Rick shrugged. “You where such a shy thing back then that it had taken me a week to get you to say hi to me. Another three to find out where you were from and just why you were so lost looking and scared of everything that wasn’t a book. After that I still had to drag you to the table. No way I was going to tell you who I put you next. I didn’t know what his title was then but I could tell he had one. You two could help each other, but not if you ran from him. He wasn’t as scared as you were but was almost as lost. It worked out. You let him sit at the library table with you the next day and a few weeks later were walking on campus with him as well as me.”

I smiled a bit. “It was better than you thought. You see I knew who he was once I heard his name. I knew nothing about you, if you had any idea what a blade was for. All I had heard was how Alatanis had forgotten all proper fear of Demons and civility. Therefore as I saw it Daren was at risk. I wasn’t looking for a military placement, but I had home guard train and had killed a couple of demons even so it was my duty that made me go with you after that.”

Dev and Mike shook their heads. Rick said. “Well then I guess it is a good thing that it was until next semester that you were in the gym when I was. Then given how you were laughing it might not have mattered. You sure had no problems with disarming Daren. Or me, but I did last a bit longer.”

Mike said. “Sure you weren’t going into the military but could take both our blades before you left.” Rick looked at him. “Yes two on one and boy did father yell when he found out. Just got worse when he found out our teacher was watching and so let it happen.”

I shrugged.  “You were fine and perfectly able to deal with anything, after all I did leave you alone more after that. Then by that time you wanted to be. Not that either of you realized it then. I can’t say that I would have felt the same at first but likely you are right I wouldn’t have trusted you. I was good with blades, but I don’t want to be fighting. I want to be in the library looking up what was done not out there doing it. However that is not the hand I was delt. I should have known it sooner, likely did, but was trying to hide from it. After all how many kill their first Demon at twelve, even if it was just a bay fliter, it was still deadly and I should have screamed for help not fought the thing then scream. Yes, just as I would do at the field, my first response was to fight back not try to get help.”

Rick smiled at me. “That is why you and Ryder fit so well, but at least Ryder will yell as he attacks, not attack then think to yell. Still you are a lot better than you were. I don’t know that the girl I first met would have ever thought to yell. Not that she would have been there at all, for she would not have heard of the ruins. You were so scared of everyone.”

I could hear the question, but now was not the time. I would have to tell him about Cole, but not tonight.  Was going to have enough trouble sleeping even with the wine, and the tea I knew would be in the room. I knew it, but I had to talk. He had a right to know what had happened. No matter how close it made it. “I wanted to go home and didn’t care to find out about the place I never wanted to be. I was ordered to take the tests I wanted nothing to do with. No one bothered to tell me what schools were there recruiting. The way it is done here you are obligated to go with the highest school that admits you. Texas is close enough that I could have still been home most of the time. It is also the top school here. Not knowing there were any higher ones in the pool I didn’t think it matter if I went a bit higher than I needed to. Then I was informed that I was going to Alanta. Remember I was all of seventeen and I had never been far from home. I loved being able to learn, but nothing was quite right. People were to loud and there were a lot of dragons. I didn’t have panic attacks around them by then, but that did mean I wanted to be anywhere near them.”

Rick shook his head. “I have to disagree with the panic attack. I mean the first time you saw Heath you passed out from not breathing. I would say that qualified.”

I said. “Well yes, but that was on you. I had no idea that there was a dragon there until I walked around the corner. You never told me you were bonded and so I never thought Heath was a dragon. That is nowhere near as bad as running screaming for cover when one passed over head nor did I refuse to leave a building when there was one sight on the ground. Those are the types of panic attacks I had overcome. I still could not get close to them, but I was well enough that I could walk the campus. Still to think that I would willing jump on to a dragon in just two years was unbelievable.”

Mike said. “What? No way? That was after you bonded right?” I shook my head smiling a bit. “Then how? I mean how do you jump on to a dragon any way?”

I said. “Well there are a lot of ways but in that case I jumped off the second floor of a building that was missing part of the wall for that floor next to the dragon.” He looked at me

Rick smiled. “It was how she ended up bonded as it happens. I take it you didn’t get to hear how she met Ryder.” With that he took over and let me get out of it and ease a bit. It was hard to juggle what I wanted say and what I couldn’t. There was so much more I wanted to explain, but it wasn’t the right time and some was just much. It was late when we made it back to our rooms.

Smiling a bit I stopped outside my door and shook my head a bit as Oliver moved to open it, clearly planning on stay with me for all he needed to be in the play that would be going on. “Oliver you should go with them, you need to be in there tonight as badly as Daren does. I will be with Ryder, I need to be close to him tonight. This week is going to be rough and talking about it made it fresher, but I needed to as much as it hurts it helps.  Still I will be next to him.”

Oliver bowed. “I will feel better if you will let me stay until you are with him. I am sorry, but I don’t feel right leaving you alone when they are here, even knowing they could not enter this wing undetected they are still a threat.”

I shook my head. “Fine, but I expect you to go to them once I am with Ryder. I can’t give you what you need. Not yet.”

Oliver nodded. “I know Ma’am and I don’t expect it. You are letting me do more than I expected to. I know how it hurts you to be touched at all, so didn’t think you could let me see to hair, little own help with your dress. I have no plans of trying to share your bed even if you thought you could. I can see you are not ready. I just need to see that you are safly with Ruder before I join them, if you can let me.”

“That is fine and thank you. Just don’t go trying to hide your need. It doesn’t bother me that it is there. You all need to stop tip toe around in fear it will hurt me to see you together. Yes I miss it, but seeing you reminds me what it is to feel something more, it helps me to want to and that is what I need. If I am ever going to recover I have to want to.” I looked at Daren and smiled a bit because he did look a bit flushed. Of course some that was what was waiting for him, not what I said, still I needed to get him to stop thinking about me before it got him upset. “Daren was it really the two of you in the rose garden? He meant what he said, by the way he would be open to it.”

Daren nodded. “It wasn’t quite my first kiss, but close to it and he was the first guy. We, John Dev and I were walking through the garden, we had been out with the other boys it was late and he was not to steady. Like he said we came on Lord Brandon yelling about the maids. Dev looked at him, said he was a nut. Then turned and kissed me. I didn’t know what to think. I don’t know how long I would have stood there stare at him if Brandon hadn’t started yelling, which made John laugh. That got me over the shock enough to say just how drunk are you or something like that. Then his dad and mine were there trying to find out what the yelling was. I believe it was determined that Dev was to drink to stand and Brandon was to upset to see that I caught him as he fell. Until tonight I didn’t think he even remembered it. As to the offer. Well um.” He flushed and looked at Rick.

I laughed. “Just tell him about that night after if the two of you take him up on it.”

Rick smiled. “I was planning on it, and just forgetting to say what we had been drinking before we woke up tangled together.” He flushed a bit, likely thinking he had gone too far.

I shook my head a bit. “That sounds good. Then I can explain it to him and see how upset he gets at the idea of his little sis being that drunk. It will be a good way of finding out if we can work together.” I smiled as they nodded and left. It wasn’t long until I was tucked in under Ryder’s wing. I didn’t even here Oliver leave.